What is Self-Esteem?
Almost everyone has heard the term self-esteem, but few can define it accurately. We can feel when our self-esteem is good and see the effects of it in our decisions and interactions with others. Self-esteem has two major parts, one visible and one hidden below the surface.
Even if we never consciously ask ourselves questions such as “Do I have value?”, “Am I good?”, and “Who am I?”, we answer these questions at a deep level. Our answers form unconscious beliefs about our identity, what our life means, how we see ourselves, and our self-concept. These unconscious beliefs determine how we respond to situations throughout the day. Our answers to these questions decide whether or not we respect ourselves and, in no small degree, whether others treat us with respect.
Self-esteem is an internal model of who we are. Self-esteem includes evaluations we make about our worthiness and value; and includes personal views of character, appearance, personality, reputation, nature, wealth or poverty. If we perceive that we are lacking, we will experience low self-esteem, even if our evaluation of ourselves is high in other areas.
These beliefs don’t have to be based on reality. They are often formed at early ages. Our experiences and the messages we are given at young ages shape our self-concept.
How Can Counselling Help with Low Self-Esteem?
When it feels like your relationship is falling apart, the way forward can be challenging to see. Counselling helps you explore potential solutions to the discord so that you move forward together. If reconciliation isn’t possible, counselling helps you know that you did everything you could before ending your relationship.
Counselling can help you uncover positives that you wouldn’t recognize for years without the assistance of a trained therapist.
What Happens During Therapy for Divorce or Separation Counseling?
Counselling can have multiple goals. One can be to attempt reconciliation. The overriding goal is to help you and your partner move forward in the way that is best for both of you.
1. The first step is a consultation to gather information and identify where the issues are so those that are most in need of attention can be identified. This meeting may include one-on-one sessions with each person if both people are coming to counselling.
2. The second step is establishing the therapeutic goals and setting the boundaries to make the sessions a safe place for open and honest communication. Couples often think the counsellor will take sides, be a referee, or see one person as being right and the other as wrong, but that's not how therapy works.
3. Creating a plan for moving forward, including deciding whether counselling will be one-on-one, couples counselling, or some of both. This will include sharing information about how the brain works, how it processes information, and how our mood affects our thoughts and responses. The goal is to create an atmosphere of curiosity about why things have been misperceived or misunderstood. And find new, relationship-enhancing ways to see things from more than one perspective.
4. The couple will be given exercises to do separately and together to help them improve their relationship skills. This will include homework assignments.
5. As therapy progresses, the couple will be more aware of their own, and one another's triggers and the underlying reasons for those triggers. This gives them the power to create a more harmonious and loving relationship.
7. When counselling ends, each person will have a clearer view of the road ahead and skills that will help them navigate whatever the future holds.
Book a consultation with a counsellor at Positive Circles today to receive the support you deserve.